What To Do?

Since the day Clayton laid eyes on my little house I purchased for Mae's, he's wanted to move in.  I was against it from the moment I saw that light bulb above his head.  This was MY dream.  I felt like moving into it would be ripping that dream from me.  I mean, after all, it's prime location for a business and entirely too small for our family.  I can't honestly say I wasn't a little perturbed he even had that thought.  The more he talked about doing this and that to the yard, the more irritated I got.

As he's been gone for the past month, the girls and I have stayed quite a few nights in the new house.  The idea of moving in is growing on me.  Yes, it's small, but I've quickly been reminded how we lived in a house about the same size as this one when all 6 kids of ours, under the age of 9 were all running around and things were just fine.  The bedrooms in that house were a lot bigger than this one, but we have a lot less kids at home now.  When they come home, they crash on the sofa anyway.

I used to want to have a home big enough for company, future grandkids, the whole nine yards.  Now that I've been struggling to downsize, I'm seeing that as silly.  Maybe I'll kick myself in the future over downsizing, I don't know.  I see my mom living in a home that's fairly small.  She has a teeny tiny yard as well.  She has 5 kids, all of us with at least 3 kids and spouses, and we all fit perfectly fine in her home during the holidays and such.  I see my mother in law with a HUGE 2 story home, and no one uses the top floor.  Ever.  You should know by now how much I can't stand wasted space, right?  Who needs that electric bill anyway?  I sure don't.

Ah, but then there's the fact that I absolutely love my home.  The big one.  It still needs to be finished, but what I know I want to do with it, I just melt.  The electric bill there is a lot higher than I'd like, or that I've ever paid before.  There are some problems we are still facing that drains my energy.  (found a leak in the laundry room ceiling about a month ago)  It's going to take a lot of money and time to get it complete, and the note is 3 times more expensive than the small house.  I love the house though.  I also still want Mae's.

I'm torn.

I've sat down and weighed out the pros and cons of living in the small house.  It would mean all new furnishings because the rooms just aren't large enough for what we have.  The location is great for convenience, but not exactly the location I have in mind for a home.  This is where Clayton and I differ entirely.  He's a city slicker, I'm a country gal.  It makes it very, very tough.  I feel exposed living in town and it's not a neighborhood in that there are gorgeous lawns to live next to.  This house is the only residential building on the block.  The rest are businesses.  That's great if you don't care for neighbors.  Which, honestly, I don't.  (I'm a snob)

This is just a huge decision.  Maybe the answer will present itself soon.  I pray it does anyway.

If only it were this easy:

Learnin' and Eatin'

The girls and I have been working on school and the new classroom.  It's so nice to be over there, even though it's not even close to being finished.  It's a bit uncomfortable because I still need to get some sort of desks or run to Shreveport to get my large table from my sister to have in there.  I also would like to get a large rug or something to cut down on the echo.  Ceramic tile floors with no curtains and a high ceiling will do that.  In time.

Anyway, learning is what we do in there.

Monday.  AKA Ice Cream Monday for the kids.  It's been a while since we've had it, so they quickly reminded me now that we are pretty much settled in.

This little guy was a gift from my Realtor.  I'm not big on things like this, but he really is adorable.  I needed a place to put our dry erase markers, so I thought about him.  Works nicely, I think.  I probably won't ever put a plant there.  I'm a plant killer.  (room needs a good paint job, but I'm not even going there right now.  Just shows up worse in pictures)

I also bought the first thing for the house that will eventually be Mae's.  (another story, another time, why it won't be immediately)  I love love love it!  (anyone willing to come and get rid of that awful bright yellow paint, bring it on!!)

We've been trying out new recipes this past week.  We've made a pizza pull apart dish sort of made like monkey bread.  I don't think any of us liked it.  Too dry.  Way too dry.  Another one we did was very very good and will be making it again and again.  It's great for an appetizer during the holidays or even a lunch (very filling).  It's extremely simple which is something I'm trying to find for lunches at the new house.  Totally almost mess free.

Recipe here

Here was another crescent recipe we found on Pinterest.  It was a bit of a disappointment, but not entirely.   They didn't cook all the way through, but were plenty browned on top.  By the time they did get finished on the inside, they were too browned and way too dry.  Nutella filled crescents.

Our next recipe will be these breakfast pockets :

This week has been a week of stuffed bread, that's for sure.  Next week I think I'll try everything Crock Pot.

When God Speaks To Others For You

My goals were going ok.  Not perfect, but ok.  I blame too much going on to focus too hard on them.  After all, no one is perfect.

Right?

(Justification of my failures)  

I seriously wasn't being hard on myself at all.  I'm still not, actually.  I do have a different view, however.  I received this text message from my stepson yesterday.

 When I read it, I thought, eh, ok.  Didn't really pertain to me at the time.  At least I didn't think so.  I've never been an avenger.  The scripture he mentioned is why I've never been an avenger.  Then, later on during the day, I was shopping iTunes when I came across a Christian group who is from Monroe, La where we moved from a couple years ago.  This group came to our church several times and I just fell in love with them.  So, seeing them on iTunes was more than thrilling for me.  (I bought every album)  As I impatiently waited for all the songs to finish downloading, I played the first one that was finished.  It.Brought.Me.Back.  Back into the Realm of God that I have been out of for so long now.  Christian?  Yes.  Of course.  Always.  Focused on God wholly?  No.  That's obvious.  I then reread Adam's text message.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am ALWAYS telling people who are going through rough times, "It's not WHAT you go through, but HOW you go through it."  I tell them this because I KNOW it to be true!  Being focused on the positive, on God, having faith this too shall pass, KNOWING (time to look up at my subtitle to this blog that's been here all along)..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.   It's right there.  All of it.  Right there in my face and I'm totally not focused on anything but trying to figure out when it's all going to end and when I'll get my break.  


So, even though I really didn't have revenge on my mind,  I realized Adam was saying much more than that.  God is going to rescue me.  He is right here with me, watching everything I'm having to go through.  Everything that will bring honor and glory to him in the long run.  I don't have to worry.  I don't have to let bitterness take a spot in my heart and steal my happiness.  I am only bound if I choose to be.  I choose to have my focus on God.  My Strong Tower.  How ever so quickly I tend to forget.  

So, before I fell too hard again, my lens has been refocused.  I was almost redirected there, but I'm good.


Edited to add this:

I failed to mention the song that downloaded first was one I used to love, but mainly because it was "catchy".  I loved the lyrics before, but yesterday, they really spoke to me!  Funny that this was the first song that downloaded even though it was chosen well down the list.

It's called "All It Takes is a Shout"

The chorus:
All it takes is a shout
and the walls fall down
walk in and claim the ground
that the devil's had too long

All it takes is a shout
with a voice of praise
and a little faith, no doubt
all it takes is a shout

Of course the second verse was VERY powerful:

I've been circling my problems wishing they would disappear
While their yelling and their taunting, keeping my bound in my fear
Now I hear the Spirit saying turn and face your enemy
God has finally won the battle lift your voice and you will see!

Such a blessing to have heard and seen this group in person.

Check them out:

My Strong Tower

We've probably all quoted Einstein:

I know I have.  There are so many things I know that I don't put into action.  This one is so true it hurts.  I have had countless experiences when I know I have to do something different in a certain situation.  Still I fall because I don't think it through or am just too lazy to do anything different.  There are other times, however, when I have tried a new approach and it's paid off tremendously.  This will be my focus this year.  Beginnings.  Remember?  New Beginnings.

Without meaning to turn this into a soapbox, I have mentioned before how I have to fight depression.  It still rings true and may always be something with which I struggle.  It truly does have a hold on a person whether we like it or not.  I feel myself fighting it more and more each day.  I'm a very happy person.  I'm not at all dull.  I love to smile, laugh, have fun.  I'm a very positive person as well.  That's not the problem by any means.  It's how fast I fall from all that.  How one negative thing in my life can take all that away.  How I have to make sure I stay on top of the game and not let all the negativity get in the way of enjoying life.  My emotions have always been based on those around me.  I can't help it.  

I get upset if someone is negative in any way.  I don't get negativity.  I don't understand it.  Cruelty, lies, jealousy, competition, infidelity, theft, trouble making, I just can't take it and I want to steer clear as far as possible. Maybe I'm one of those people who only sees sunshine and rainbows, I don't know.  I just don't like dwelling in the things that don't produce a positive manifestation of some sorts.   After all, who wants to be known as the trouble maker?  The thief?  The liar?  The infidel?  Prayers out to you if you or someone you know is all four of those things.  I know someone like that as well.

Depression has affected all areas of my life.  From being the wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister I know I am, depression keeps me.  I've only gotten a major wake up call a few times when I've had to pull myself out.  Again, as mentioned before, I had to have anti depressants in the past to pull me out of my slump.  Since then, I recognize it far before it gets that bad.  I'm so grateful for that!  It's not a place I want to be.  

I don't compare myself to others.  I have always been the person to compete with myself.  I lose to myself the majority of the time, but still, it's my life and only my life.  It's my struggle, but I have to remember that I'm not the only one fighting for me.  My God is.  He is my strong tower and I WILL remember that on a daily basis from here on out.  I was looking up the best way to explain the metaphor of God being a strong tower and came across this blog post. It explains it the exact way I wanted to:  Building Your Spirit  (Please take the time to read this post!!!  It is in every way amazing!  

I am a very organized person.  I LOVE to organize.  I get so down when the others I live with aren't.  I feel they have no respect for me and that I'm constantly spinning my wheels.  It's hard for me to accept they aren't like me in that area.  Why can't they be?  Because they aren't me.  Period.  They have their own way of doing things and maybe they just aren't as uptight as me.  Maybe, just maybe they have their minds on more important things.  Like living.  

I hardly ever finish anything I start.  Ok, maybe never.  My excuse is that I'm always having to stop what I'm doing to do something else that demands my attention.  I know I have a problem when it comes to starting back up on something I've gotten my mind off.  It's exhausting for me to have to dig things back out just to finish a little bit of cutting in when I've almost finished painting a room.  It's exhausting for me to have to go to the store to buy something I ran out of in order to finish something.  Man, I'm lazy over the little things.  I just have a one track mind and when my mind is focused on something, that's all that matters.  A few minutes of my time and I just can't seem to make myself do it.

I am trying to focus on the new beginnings in my life and stay out of depression from now on.  Maybe one day I won't have to fight it as much, or preferably not at all.  In order to do that, I feel I must create a new routine.  Not the same one I've been doing.  (Insanity)  I read somewhere yesterday that a woman was teaching her kids about resolutions and instead of having them make up some for the year, she had them make up one for each month of the year.  I thought that was just BRILLIANCE!  That will instill some positive habits for sure!  Something I need for myself, though I don't normally make resolutions with each new year.

So, the point of this post of mine is to remind myself of these new beginnings.  I'm working on a list of things.  A reachable list.  A list I can finish.  With God's help, and with only God's help can I accomplish these things. I know since my mind is as scattered as this blog is, you shouldn't have much faith in me, but this is the "new me".  The "real me".  Relying on no other besides myself and help from my Strong Tower. 

I came across this awesome printout for my household binder which will really help keep me on track.   The Project Girl  She also has one already filled out here.  I'm going to use this on a daily basis.  I really don't know why I never thought of doing it like this before.

So, goodbye with the procrastination.  That's pretty much my major downfall.  Once I've done away with it, you may see me with a cape ready to save the world.  ;)  

There is so much more to this than what I've said so far, but I'd rather break it all down into different posts.  Some things are probably a little more personal than you'd like to know, but hey, such is life, right?  I'm still keeping it real.

New Beginnings

Well, I got the house!  I've been busy setting up the back room as a classroom and haven't had time to do much more than that.  I've been so happy over there I dread coming back home, back to the work that needs to be done here, back to reality.  I don't have furniture or anything at the new house, so it's a bit uncomfortable for people, including these people I live with, so I've been by myself most of the time over there.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that!

The start of a new year always seems to make people want to start new with whatever in their lives.  I can already tell that's going to be the theme of my life this year.  New.  I can dig it.  I saw on other blogs where people have a word for the new year.  Something that will be with them all year, something they strive for.  I liked that idea so I thought about it for a moment.  My word?  It's simple.  Beginnings.  

There is a lot of changes going on in my life right now.  Things that are out of the blue, things that have been around and ignored for years now, and things I'm too scared to even think about.  The fears I have is what has kept me from changing before.  It's not because of the new year, of course, but suddenly I feel confident enough, strong enough, to make things happen.  The fear won't hold me back now.  I guess it's true about the older, the wiser.  Hmmm, wish I'd have listened when I was younger, right?

I'll get into all that at a later time, but for now, I just wanted to check in and let ya know I was still kicking.

It's going to be a great year!  How's your year going so far?

Accomplishments

I got a text message this morning from my Realtor.  She talked to the title company and will know something by this afternoon.  Today will be long.

I've been driving by the new house every time I run into town just to see those sweet words on the sign.  "Contract Pending".  It's almost as exciting as seeing the word "Sold".  Well, that is until the new wears off and you are in a commitment for what seems like a lifetime.  I'll savor the moment for now though because the sign was finally changed yesterday.  Why am I more excited about this sale than any of the other homes we've bought in the past?  Maybe because I know this is MY thing.  The house will be in my name only.  Just like my car.  Why do we women need that little sense of accomplishment?  I know who I am.  I know I'm worthy.  Still it's a sweet, sweet feeling that hopefully won't kick me in the tail later down the road.

So before all these posts I've made recently, my last one was while I was working on Emily's new bedroom.  I am finished with it for the most part.  I still need to get the headboard I want her to have along with the bedding.  Other than that, I have to finish painting her furniture.  It was in storage and our storage building stinks like crazy.  It has a very strange creosote smell.  It seeped into the furniture and I refuse to paint it until it's aired out.  I just have to get it outside in some fresh air and sunshine and hopefully that will get rid of the awful smell.  Once that's done, it will only be a day or two for it to be finished.  I'll probably wait until after Christmas to do all that.

Our bedroom and bath hasn't been touched in a few months.  I still have unfinished drywall in the kitchen.  Every time I look at it I cringe.  Floating drywall is somewhat therapeutic for me but I just can't make myself do it.  

I need a robot.

Another Adventure

I have a lot of catching up to do, which means a lot of posts in one day for me to write and for you to read.  I'll pretend you don't have last minute Christmas shopping to do or parties to go to.  


Last night I stumbled upon an idea.  I was researching some extras for some Christmas gifts I had bought for the adults in our families when this idea hit me like a ton of bricks.  I did some research and found the start up cost for this adventure is somewhat minimal.  It's affordable, no doubt.  Will it thrive in my little town?  Oh yes, I do believe it will.  There is no competition whatsoever here and they are wonderful products, not to mention our little town needs something like this.  I dare not say what it is yet, for I don't want competition before I even start.  Let's just say kids and adults alike will love it.

I'm allowing myself one year to have this little business up and running.  It's not a big thing at all, but it's something that really looks like a lot of fun that will bring in a little extra cash.

More on this later...

Also, I'm in the process of writing a book.  It's something I've always wanted to do and whether or not it will get published years down the road doesn't matter to me.  My kids enjoy my stories, so I wanted to write them all down for something they could enjoy.  If it's something worthy enough to get published, so be it.  If not, nothing lost.

Ok, maybe another 10 minutes will go by before I write another post. ;)