Busy Busy

I've been very busy around here.  I don't even have time right now to do this post, but wanted to give a glimpse of something.  This was taken with my phone, so of course, very grainy and dark.  I upgraded to an iPhone 4s so in a couple weeks I shall have a better phone.  Finally.

This is just a teaser of what I'm doing in Emily's room.  I still have a lot of painting and stenciling to do, but here ya go.  Time to get back to work.

Chin Up

Thank you so much for your kind words on my recent post about my friend.  It truly means a lot and I know real prayers have been prayed.  I truly appreciate each and every one of them.

We will be going to visit in the next day or two.  It's becoming harder and harder to go, not that I don't want to see her, of course, something just keeps putting things in the way for me to get there to her.  I don't know.

I had to get out of the house today.  I felt myself falling into a slight state of depression, so I knew what I had to do.  I took the kids to see the movie "Real Steel".  Quite the movie!  Simply a great movie.  Getting out helped, but it's in the 40's tonight and I want to light a fire.  No firewood.  Bummer.

It's been two weeks instead of about one, and I still haven't been able to do all I planned to do.  That's just been my life the past couple years.  Things are always changing, it seems, but the things I want to change never have a chance to.  I have done a little bit here and there.  I've started on painting Emily's bedroom furniture and it's looking fabulous!  I've done a few items for Morgan's room also as well as purchased a few items for Allison's room.  I'm so excited about the bedrooms for the girls, especially Emily's room.  I've almost lost sight of the original inspiration photo I posted before due to knowing what will and won't work.  In my head it's going to be loads better!  Magazine worthy, I tell ya. ;)  It will take a little while to get it exactly what we want because there are some things we just have to have.

Like a tufted headboard

 and a chrome pendant light

beautiful fabric

A little bit of this

and a little bit of that

Or something of the sort.

So, as excited as I am to finish this room, I'm afraid it will be finished last, more than likely.   It's something to look forward to anyway.  By the way, we already have the lamps.  

I also did some rearranging in the kitchen.  Can a normal person do that?  I didn't think so.  More on that later.

It's time to pack to head out on my short trip.  Pray for safety for us and for me to be able to be the friend she needs.

The Death of a Child

Allison interrupted a phone conversation I was having today.  "Mom, what happened to Michael?"  She was on her Facebook as she looked up at me with the look in her eyes that screamed something was wrong. I immediately replied with "NO!  Tell me he didn't die, Allison.  What is it?  What did you see?"  She began to cry as I jerked the laptop from her to see what she was looking at.  I only saw a picture of him and knew.   I knew something was terribly wrong.  I didn't want to confirm what I already knew to be true.  I got up and walked away trying to continue my phone conversation.  My efforts were in vain.

Michael was the son of one of my good friends.  He was only 14 when he took his own life last night.  Death is one thing that is tragic enough, but for a loved one to take their own life, to me, holds a great deal more emotions.  I can not even imagine what his parents are going through.  His sister.  His extended family.  His friends.  He and Allison were friends years ago when we lived just down the street from him and his family.  His sister was Morgan's best friend, his mother, mine.  

I have never felt this kind of pain.  This much sorrow for another person has never been more prominent in me.  I couldn't gather my thoughts today.  I immediately started grabbing clothes out of my closet and onto my bed, getting ready to pack up and take the trip to Louisiana.  His mother was the only thing on my mind.  How is she supposed to be strong enough to deal with this?  Did she see it happen? How are these images ever going to be erased from her memory?  Does she feel guilty in any way?  Why would she?  But maybe she does.  How can she possibly go on?   She'll never be the same.  She's still mourning the death of her dad from just months ago.  Just 5 days ago, her dad got his headstone.  My friend, is rarely seen without a smile on her face.  In fact, the only time I haven't seen a smile on her face is when I'm spilling my problems to her and she takes them to heart, ready to take revenge on the ones who try to hurt me, or the times when she's spilling her heart out to me about things in her life.  Where will that smile go?

I realized I just couldn't gather my thoughts enough to even remember to pack deodorant or toothpaste.  My mind was total chaos.  I didn't know what had happened, just that he was gone.  I had to find out more.  I saw all the comments on her Facebook page and got angrier with each one.  "So sorry about your loss.  Your family is in my prayers."  Seems so cliche,  doesn't it?  What's with leaving a comment on a Facebook page anyway?  What ever happened to old fashioned heartfelt compassion where you actually talk to the person face to face or over the phone, for that matter?  Facebook and text messages seem to be an easy way out.  Your own comfort in an awkward moment.  I know.  I'm just as guilty.  Not this time, though.  I had already tried calling my friend, but of course with no answer.  I then felt terrible, thinking it was just rude to dial the number, knowing she's busy at the moment.  I was just going to get in the car and go.  I still had to find out more, though.  I found a number and called it.  I knew it was probably what it was before even calling, but the confirmation ripped my heart out.  

As we were trying to gather composure and think more logically about things, Allison was back on Facebook.  Since he was her age, they shared a lot of friends...or should I say, they knew mutual people?  People who never paid any mind to anything more than themselves all of a sudden has RIP Michael all over their statuses.  Their assumptions were insane.  Isn't that the way it is when someone takes their own life?   Not knowing a thing about his situation, they start filling in the blanks with whatever they can think of.  These kids who never knew the situation because they never wanted to.  They never tried to be a friend to him, but all of a sudden, they are going to miss him.  Until the dust settles.  It's a crying shame.  

Allison was very offended by what these other kids were saying and set a few of them straight.  As she was reading to me what they were saying, and what she was saying back to them, I began to feel terrible about the way I was judging these people.  Not too long ago, I cleaned out my Facebook friends.  I deleted people I hardly ever talked to.  He was one of them.  Why?  Why didn't I ever send a friendly hello to him or try to strike up a conversation? Allison began feeling the same guilt.  These people had their stories all wrong, but they are kids just going by what they heard.  Allison and I knew the story.  We've known the story, but still didn't do anything to change it.  It's not like we could have kept this from happening.  Or could it have?  It's too late to know.  There's nothing we can do to change that, but there is still his mother.  My friend.  My very good friend.

WHAT would I say to her?   HOW could I possibly help her?  WHAT do I do?

I was too weary to go on.  All the crying I had done all afternoon had taken every ounce of energy out of me.  I fell asleep for a couple hours and was awaken by Allison telling me Michael's mother was on the phone.  I quickly jumped up, got on the phone with her, and heard her sobbing voice.  She was there.  She saw him.  She can't go back to the house.  Who can blame her?  Can one imagine the pain she's going through without ever going through it themselves?  I kept my composure.  The nap either helped, or I wasn't quite awake yet.  I don't know.   I even felt guilty about that.  After talking briefly to her, I decided to go ahead and pack up and spend the day with her tomorrow.  I want to be selfish and have her all to myself.  I want to hold her in my arms and give her comfort she's needing.  Who am I kidding?  I'm not God.  My arms can't possibly give her what she needs.  

I don't even know why I'm posting this.  It seems too personal.  I am in so much pain for my friend.  I've never felt this way.  Ever.

*Names have been changed for privacy

Moving On?

We own some land in Jasper, a little bit of a larger town about 30 miles from where we are now.   We have thought before about building a home on it, but just never did.  All Clayton's family are neighbors on the same street and everytime we go out there, I wish we just lived there.  It would be nice to live out where we can do anything we'd want, basically.  Own a few horses, play in the mud on 4-wheelers, have the kids play daily with their cousins, be right there where everything is going on.  When I get home, I change my mind.  I'm not used to living extremely close to family.  I haven't most of my life.  I haven't even lived in the same state as my family since I was 16 years old, other than the 7 years or so we lived in Louisiana.  I'm not accustomed to it at all.  Clayton, however, is used to it.  He's used to visiting with his parents at least a few times a week. 

Since I have different feelings about it, I told him I was leaving it all up to him.  He's for moving.  I can't say I don't get excited about it when I think about it a little bit.  But then, I look at my home and my life and ask, "Why change?"  We aren't very far away anyway.  We've worked so hard on this house, I'm in love with this house, even though it gives me headaches daily.  It's our home.  I'm tired of moving anyway.  I'm ready to be settled like we once were years ago. 

I'm sure we won't move, but you never can tell what he will decide.  It would be a few years anyway, so maybe by then, this house will be complete and he will feel more settled in and not want to start all over someplace else.  I'd like to just stay put until all the kids are grown, and move there if we decide to downsize a bit.  Ya know, build a little two bedroom home with very little maintenance.  Then again, we have 7 kids together and the grandkids have already started coming.  We probably won't ever have the chance to downsize. 

It's almost depressing as I look at my house here and know all the plans I still have for it that I really want to put into action.  Moving would be just that...starting all over.  Something I don't want to do. 

***********************************************************************************

Until then...

We aren't completely finished with the bedroom/bathroom remodel, but will be soon enough.  Ok, not soon enough, but we will get there. I sort of got out of the mood, really.  While Clayton was working on what I couldn't, I began working in my craft room a bit, trying to get it organized after sooo long.  It's taking so much to get it where I want it.  I seriously didn't realize I had so much stuff crammed in there.  It doesn't help, either, to buy more things while I'm shopping for organizational supplies. ;)  I've made a few crafts while I've made room in there.  I'm trying to do a lot of decor for the girls' rooms so they will be ready when the rooms get swapped around.  I've come to appreciate the weekends a bit more because that's when I seem to have more time to do things.  I'm so ready for soccer to be OVER!  I think Emily secretly is too.



I won't know what to do with myself.

The bedrooms should be completely switched around this week.   As much as I'd love to paint in an empty room, I'm afraid that's just not going to happen.  I'll feel so much better just having the load of moving the furniture around off my shoulders.  I feel like I'm playing one of those puzzles where the one square is missing and you have to slide left and right, and up and down to make the puzzle, only with the rooms in my house. 

Yep. 

After the bedrooms are swapped, as much as I'd love to start that kitchen project, I'm afraid it's just not going to happen right now.  The next big project will be the middle bathroom which is now the main bathroom.  Trust me, the walls will be torn out the minute Clayton leaves for work, the plumbers called, and the new in.  He doesn't want to start any more projects until these others are finished, but I have to have a decent bathroom for guests and I'm not going to make him work on this one at all.  Him being gone for a month at a time really helps when I want to do something like this. Hehe.

Give me about a week and I will start showing some pictures.  Maybe.

Sleepless Nights

Emily's first soccer game is tomorrow (today).  She's been so excited about it all week and now is the time for it to happen.  I don't think it will.  Anticipation is the worst thing to have on your mind when you need a good night's rest.  She is STILL awake after 3am because of this anticipation.  Of course, so am I since I've spent the last few hours trying everything I can think of to get her relaxed and finally drift off to sleep. 

First, I put on a cd of soft classical music.  No luck.  I gave her a full body massage and warm milk. Still nothing.  I've searched every square inch of my house to find SOMETHING lavender.  I don't have anything.  I REFUSE to give her Benedryl like a few parents I know would.  I don't believe in that and find it to be abuse of the drug.  Dramamine would knock her out in a heartbeat, but that's not going to happen for the same reason. 

I think it's entirely too late to have her soak in a tub full of bubbles.  We would have to leave the house by 7:30am at the latest to be able to make it to her game on time.  I wish I knew other ways to get children to fall asleep during moments like these.

Any ideas for future reference?

The Fun Part

The bedroom and bathroom are completely ready to be made new now. We went window shopping the other day, but really didn't find anything we wanted. I've been looking online for ideas of what I want and tutorials on things I've never done. There's definitely a lot more to this stuff than I thought. Since Clayton's been the one to do all the remodeling in our first home together, I can understand now why he's not as enthusiastic about this as I was just a few weeks ago.

While researching information about the tile job I want in the bathroom, I found out about needing a moisture barrier between the drywall and backer board. I would have never known. Come to find out, it's code. Good thing the Internet exists. I read to buy roofing felt for this. So, I did. After that purchase, I did more research only to find out it's asbestos. Wonderful. The next inexpensive option is to use plastic sheeting. I always have that handy, so that's what we will use instead.

So, now that the new insulation is installed, the needed studs up, and the old door from hall closed up, it's time to start installing everything. No, that's not the fun part I'm talking about. The fun part? Shopping, of course!

I picked out my tile today. This is the color scheme I'm going with:

Of course, this isn't the layout, just some samples.  There are so many options with tile, so it was a hard decision. I just bought these pieces to bring home, so if I find something else somewhere, I'm only out a few bucks. I do love it, though.

I also bought my tub faucet. It's not exactly what I was looking for, but I liked it.  I'll be returning it tomorrow, though.  I read only bad reviews on this product.

As far as the sink, I have one picked out. I was originally going to go with a round vessel sink, but decided on using a white sink so the white tub and toilet didn't overpower one side of the room. I didn't like any of the white round vessel sinks so decided on this wading pool sink:

I've looked high and low for this sink, but at first only found one that was similar. It just didn't do it for me though, so my quest continued. Overstock satisfied my need and at a fraction of the cost of any other sink I found:

I had the faucet picked out, but since I'm having to return the tub/shower faucet, I'll have to find something that will go with it.

Clayton is definitely going to build the vanity and STORAGE TOWER. Yep! I'm going to have storage FINALLY!!!!!

Even though we are using the existing tub, I cant wait to soak in it.

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My Child

As many people know, I am an unintentional self-inflicted pain type of person. I am clumsy to say the least. If something could happen while participating in a certain activity, you can bet it will happen to me. No matter what precautions are taken, I will prove anything is still possible. Allison is the same way.

Remember just a little while back when she rubbed the leaf oils into her eyes which ended in an emergency room visit? Well, she missed the emergency room, obviously, and decided she'd stick a ring on her finger which was entirely too small.

We did everything imaginable to try to get it off. Nothing. That's when her dad gave us the go to take our (what seems to be monthly) trip to the hospital. They did everything they could before deciding to bring out the ring cutters.





After cutting a little more than the ring itself (finger), we were good to go. Turns out the ring was plastic. That could have saved us a few hundred ER dollars. It felt and looked like metal at home. Wish I'd have known.

The girls used the trip as an excuse to grab some chocolate from the store since we were already out late.

I obliged.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad